Jewish World Review Sept. 10, 2002 / 4 Tishrei, 5763
Adam Sandler films on the increase,
Center for Disease Control warns
'Major outbreak' of seven films expected in next twelve months
The Center for Disease Control warned today that the nation should prepare itself
for a "major outbreak" of films starring the comedian Adam Sandler, with as many
as seven Sandler films expected in the next twelve months.
While it is unusual for the CDC to issue a warning about upcoming film releases,
officials at the agency said that the Sandler threat was serious enough to warrant
taking extraordinary action.
"The greatest risk at this point would be to do nothing, Sandler-wise," a CDC
spokesman in Atlanta said.
While Homeland Security chief Tom Ridge would make no official comment on the
CDC's announcement, insiders said that some thought was being given to issuing
color-coded Sandler alerts to warn the public of the impending release of one of the
comedian's goofy comedies.
But critics say that the CDC's actions may serve no public health benefit and may
only panic moviegoers in the weeks and months ahead.
"We've seen similar so-called 'epidemics' in the past," said Dr. David Garson, an
outspoken critic of the CDC's Sandler policy. "There was a time when you couldn't
turn around without seeing a new release from Bruce Willis or Arnold
Schwarznegger. These things have a way of running their course."
But in a sign that the CDC has no intention of changing its better-safe-than-sorry
policy, the agency issued a separate alert today about the television networks'
upcoming fall season.
According to the CDC statement, an "alarming increase" in the number of police
dramas on the networks' fall schedules means that for the first time since
record-keeping began, America will have more cop shows than cops.
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JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, a former president of the Harvard Lampoon, is a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. He is the author, most recently, of "Trillionaire Next Door: The Greedy Investor's Guide to Day Trading" and "Rationalizations to Live By". Comments by clicking here. Visit his website by clicking here.
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© 2002, Andy Borowitz